Yup, another blog.


Haze – A first look
June 18, 2008, 1:19 pm
Filed under: Games | Tags: , , ,

What can I say about Haze? Although the gameplay isn’t that bad, the annoying characters and strangely un-next gen looking graphics can be a little off-putting.

The gameplay isn’t shocking, so long as you are using the nectar function. On the other hand, the enemies (and your team-mates) are such awful soldiers the game is more or less target practice. How many times have you seen a group of soldiers run, shoulder to shoulder, down a narrow corridor of trees directly at their enemies? Not often? Thought not.

The guns themselves work well, although your starting sidearm, the magnum/pistol thingy has the slowest rate of fire of any gun I’ve ever seen. It takes a good second or two for the gun to reset itself to a state in which it can be fired again. Of course, the entire point of a firearm is to ‘whip it out’ when your rifle starts clicking and firing small puffs of air at the enemy so you can clear them up in close quarters. Of course, you needn’t worry about being killed in this situation, I don’t believe these enemies could hit, well, anything from 5 feet.

Now for the graphics. The characters and vehicles are nicely designed and rendered, but should you look down you will see a hideous excuse of grass. The sharp, blocky edges make it look as if it should be running on an early PS2 game, not one of the mainstream PS3 games. However, Haze does utilise the PS3’s power some areas. Looking at objects far away are slightly blurred, giving a realistic feel to the game. You’ll be lucky to notice though – the characters viewpoint has a bob-effect (and the resulting motion sickness) to rival King Kong.

Your team-mates are, in short, total douche bags. They shout obnoxious and downright annoying catchphrases such as ‘BOOSH!!!!’ and ‘Yeah, boiii!’¬†constantly. There’s no getting away from it. As well as being total bell ends, they are (second only to your enemies) some of the worst soldiers ever. There is never any hint of any formation or covering fire, just a bunch of drugged up cock jugglers running blindly into the fight. It’s up to you and your nectar to fight off the enemy, although this is no¬†monumental task. Unless, of course, your team-mates decide to help. They have an annoying habit of wandering aimlessly directly into your line of fire, usually from behind, so you have no choice but to unload a handful of bullets into the back of their heads.

Another (yes, another) downer for the game is the vehicles. The buggies suffer from unrealistic physics, poor handling and naff sound. Other than the fact that the FPS style gameplay is quite good in heated battle, I really can’t think of many more good points for Haze. Hopefully as I finish reviewing Haze can impress me.



Condemned 2
June 14, 2008, 10:44 am
Filed under: Games

If you used to play the Alien Trilogy on the Sega Saturn when you were younger, even though it resulted in puny, girly screams every time the face-suckers attached themselves to your head, then you’ll like Condemned 2.

You know you’re playing a good game when you spend most of your time screaming at your friend ‘HOLY FUCKING SHIT! I just raked a crowbar across the faces of two hobos!’, and fights with multiple enemies become the video-game equivalent of holding your arms out perpendicular to your body and spinning around in circles.

If you don’t scream several times during the course of the game, then you obviously aren’t playing it right. Turn all the lights off, the volume up and the brightness on your TV down. Like, right down.

There is no other equal for Condemned – no other game can provide the satisfaction you feel when you nail a zombie-hobo in the head with a pipe wrench from 20 yards away. Nor can they equal the fear as a bloodied thing runs at you using a deformed doll as a weapon. Nor the surprise as a flying brick rearranges your teeth.

For the best fun in Condemned, try the Fight Club mode. You can kill an infinite amount of enemies with a pistol, assault rifle or a plank of wood. Depending on how you feel. While killing a hobo with an assault rifle may not be as gratifying as manipulating their facial features with a piece of pipe, it is awesome beyond belief to swing around firing and hear the exploding crunch sound of a skull being liquidated. Think Resident Evil 4 headshots.

And so, if you looking for a scream a minute game, with violent, crunchy body part explosions and cringe-worthy finishing moves, Condemned 2 is for you.



Why hello!
June 14, 2008, 9:01 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Welcome to my blog! I guess. This blog will contain little snippets of information or long, wandering trains of thought, depending on both my energy reserves for the day and the happenings in the world around us.

In any case, I hope you enjoy the blog!